Ask Judy
Dear Judy:
I’m a man in my early 30’s who’s looking to settle down with that “special someone.” I met Amanda through my best friend two months ago. We’ve gone out for drinks and hung out on many occasions. There is a strong attraction between us. Every date ends with a heavy make-out session, but our relationship never goes further because she says she has a boyfriend.
What I don’t understand is that if Amanda is willing to tell me — and show me for that matter — the way she feels about me, then why is the boyfriend even an issue? I don’t want be led on time and time again, only to be kicked to the curb at the end of it all.
Judy, what am I doing wrong? How can I make this work? This is the girl every man wants to marry, be with, love, and God knows I would do what it takes to make it work. Should I give up hope?
Sincerely,
Crushed in Corona
Dear Crushed in Corona:
What are you doing wrong? You are doing the same thing I’ve done in my own past relationships: you are allowing someone to treat you as an option instead of a priority AND you are setting yourself up for failure. Please learn from my mistakes.
Sometimes, unconsciously, without even knowing, we put ourselves in situations where we are doomed to fail. Why do we do that? Because somewhere deep down inside, you believe you are not worthy of real love. But you are! If you are indeed looking to settle down, settle down with a woman who WANTS to settle down.
A woman who wants to settle down will not play around with you like some kind of toy. A woman ready to settle down will make you feel like there is NO ONE ELSE in the world she would want to be with. Something tells me that when you both have your make out sessions, you get something out of it. She walks away feeling wanted, and KNOWING she has you wrapped around her finger. You walk away feeling challenged, and a man LOVES a challenge. By nature men are hunters. She definitely makes you feel as if you have to hunt her down & capture her heart. You’ve only known her for two months…not a long time, sir.
I think you should date other women. And the next time you see her, get close, smile at her with your gorgeous eyes, pull her very close and say, “If you want to kiss me, don’t you disrespect me. I will not kiss you until you are completely single.” And then, walk away. Yep, just like that!
Why should you kiss her anymore if she doesn’t deserve it? Chances are if she’s kissing someone else while she has a boyfriend, she will most likely kiss someone else while you are dating. You deserve better than that. There aren’t that many men willing and wanting to settle down. I applaud you for that – and I bet there’s a gorgeous woman out there just dying to meet someone like you. But the longer you hang around this girl, the longer it takes for you to meet THE ONE! When someone shows you who they are, believe them – the first time!!
Love,
Judy
