Ask Judy | Love and Relations Advice
(Judy Torres is a freestyle artist, radio personality and host)
My name is Pedro and I live in the Bronx. I met a beautiful, intelligent and loving woman about a year ago, and we moved in together within months. Our relationship is great, and I can’t imagine being without her. Two weeks ago, it was my buddy’s birthday party, and I went alone because my girl had to work. There was this girl at the party. She was sweet and fun. We had a great time, got really drunk and ended up having sex in my friend’s house. I woke up feeling awful, and I don’t know what to do. I am afraid somebody will tell my girlfriend.
The first man to ask me for advice – brave! This is going to be hard, Pedro, because I like you already. The fact that you can admit that you don’t want to lose your girlfriend tells me you have a heart. Here’s the hard part: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!
My mother once told me that it takes a year and a half to REALLY know someone well. Anytime you move in together or marry within just a few months of meeting, you can expect to discover a big surprise about the person you’ve moved in with because you don’t really know each other yet. Your girlfriend may possibly discover a big surprise – that you cheated.
Your girlfriend had to work? I can almost see your girl saying, “Go ahead, Papi,…You go. Have fun!” So now you’re at the party, having a good time…and you got drunk. Drunk?
Alcohol has been the blame for so many sins and betrayals. It is true that alcohol lowers your inhibitions. But you and I both know alcohol has nothing to do with it – you and only you are responsible for your actions. If you know alcohol “makes” you do stupid things, then don’t drink.
Honestly, Pedro, come clean. You really love your girlfriend? Then you really need to tell her the truth because she deserves the opportunity to decide if she can handle it. Don’t want to sound like a nag, but I hope you used protection. If you didn’t and you are still sleeping with your girlfriend after this tryst, you are being selfish. You are putting the woman who you claim to care about at risk. If this woman you fooled around with has a disease, now you may have it, and your girlfriend may too.
If you really love your girlfriend, you need to tell her. You need to go to a doctor and get yourself checked. She deserves the truth. The truth ALWAYS comes out – it is better she hears it from you than from someone else.
I have a sneaky suspicion that deep down, you may want a way to get out of this relationship…are you really ready for this commitment? Sometimes people will do something naughty or unforgivable because they don’t have the nerve to break it off. They create a situation where the other person has to decide what to do. Ask yourself if you really want to be committed, living with your girl…if the answer is yes, tell her, and start over. If the answer is no, just walk away now before you do it again.
She deserves better, and you deserve to walk with your head high. Good luck, and thank you for sharing.