¿Anupta-Que?

by: Maria Luna

Last year I did something a little crazy.  I was dating a guy—think blonde dread locks, cerulean eyes, athletic physic, y un culito chulísimo.  We’d just come back from Wholefoods after buying the loveliest hunk of manchego cheese, and were settling on the couch, about to pop in a bootleg DVD.  Then Mr. Wonderful, who I’d been planning to marry and have 2.5 curly-haired children with, gently tells me that this may be the last time we will see each other as he has recently learned that he is going to be a father, and not to my 2.5 children.

So I left the country.  I swear I did.

After much self-analysis and soul-nurturing on the beaches of the north coast of the Dominican Republic, I realized that I had planned to marry Mr. Wonderful, in my mind, and the guy before him, the one before that one, and the one before that one.  Yes, I do select some really fine Papi-Champus, but I found that for years I had been suffering from anuptaphobia, a fear of being single…forever!

Do you date a bunch of cuties at the same time, hoping that you will naturally filter down to The Right One?  Have an impressive string of long-term relationships, and by long-term you think 1+ years is long?  Get all Britney Spears, about to shave your hair off whenever you get a wedding invitation in the mail?  Guy or girl, you might be suffering from a mild to serious case of anuptaphobia.

Here are some tips on how to move on from your locura:

·    Take time to get to know Thyself.  What do you really want from your life?
·    Try to pinpoint the origin of your fears.  Is it your Tía—the one who keeps asking you when you’re going to get married and have a baby, and not necessarily in that order? Was it your parents’ divorce back in the 80s, when your mom went all I can do bad all by myself on your dad?
·    Put your ego on ice for a while and commit to other wonderful things in life, and not just your career.  Volunteer or take a cooking class, and not just because you think you may meet your next life partner at one of these places.
·    And lastly, therapy. There I said it.  There are some amazing techniques to help you get on with your life. Why not give it a try?