Judy Torres is a recording artist, Radio Host and Liefstyle Personality
I am what is called a cuarentona. I’m forty but I’m fit and I have a teenage son. I pay for my son to attend a private school and he is doing very well. No problem there. The thing is that I am dating a younger guy. My guy is 22. We’ve been dating for three months and he wants me to meet his mother. I’ve been coming up with excuses but a good friend of mine helped me to see that I’m just insecure. I just assume his mother will not approve.
Being a mom myself, I think I know how she might feel. Also, I’m not in love. I just really like this guy. Do you think it’s time for me to leave my young lover? I know this relationship is limited. What do you think? Is our time up?
You are, what is called “human.” There is nothing wrong with age differences MOST of the time, provided that you are not liable to be arrested for statutory rape. In this case, he is 22, and you are 40. Let’s do the math. You are 18 years older than him. You have lived life, gained wisdom, and have had enough heartache in life to know that love will always give you more chances. At 22 your guy hasn’t. His life is just beginning, in a way. What do you really have in common?
At 40, sometimes we notice our mortality. We know that in 10 years, we will be considered middle-aged, and to have the attention of a hot, handsome 22 year old has GOT to make you feel sexy, attractive and wanted. And who doesn’t want to feel that way?
If you were just having an affair, a fling, and both of you knew that’s what this is, then I would say keep having fun. But big alarms went off in my head when you mentioned that he wants you to meet his mother. That means he is thinking that this is a serious relationship. As for his mother, of course she’s not going to like it at all because she will see the potential for her son to be hurt.
I suggest you don’t even show your face to her unless you are ready to confess your love for him. Your’e not in love with him. It looks like you’re just having fun. And let’s just call a spade a spade here. Your young lover is your boy toy. And you are his MILF (Mother I’d like to #%@)…you are the cougar, haha. It’s fun in the beginning, and 3 months is about the time where people decide to go exclusive. So a decision needs to be made here. And since your are not in love with him that decision is simple. STOP it.
It’s time to end it. I say let him go, and allow him to bring a woman who actually loves him to meet his mother one day. But that woman is not you. Cuarentona, this is a lesson for you too. I’m 45, and being in our 40’s we know by now that the heart is not to be played with. So, if you wouldn’t want someone to just use you, don’t use him. Good luck!!
[Originally published in LatinTRENDS Magazine]