Should I Propose To My Boyfriend?

Ask Judy

 

Dear Judy,

I’ve been dating the most wonderful guy for EIGHT YEARS now!!! Mr. Wonderful and I met in college, we live together, our families LOVE each other and they love us together. All the planets seem to be aligned – they’ve been aligned for a few years now – but Mr. Wonderful hasn’t popped the question!

The thing is that it doesn’t seem like he will either. There was a time when I brought up marriage constantly but it only pushed him away. I’m still not quite sure why he won’t ask. He never gave me a straight answer. When I stopped pressuring him about it he went back to normal.

We both come from a traditional family and I don’t see any signs of childhood trauma. ANYWAY, I say all this to say that maybe I SHOULD ASK HIM TO MARRY ME! What do you think? Should I set up a romantic getaway and get down on one knee? I feel like maybe he just needs a push. But am I pushing him down a flight of stairs? No se que hacer. Ayudame Judy.

-Love Pusher,Wendy

 

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Dear Wendy,

You have given this man not 1, not 2, not 3, not 5, but EIGHT years of your life. It is wonderful that you live together and I think it’s awesome that your families mutually love each other. Now, you say the planets are aligned, but I ask what planet is he really living on? Apparently he’s not living on yours.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of my “3 rule.” It takes 3 conversations to go out on a date; 3 dates to know if you’d like to begin a relationship; 3 months to decide if you’d like to keep this monogamous; and 3 years to know if you’d like to commit. After 8 years, there should be no confusion or doubt as to what kind of wife you would be, or what kind of life you would have together.

You have to ask yourself how important is marriage to you. If it is a NECESSITY – that you don’t want to just cohabitate with someone, that you need to hear him call you his wife, then you need to confront him again. Try approaching him differently than you did last time. Do NOT NOT NOT propose to him. It is only forcing your desire on him. It is an artificial way of getting what you want, which is for HIM to FREELY commit to you. If you ask him, one day you will look back and wonder if he would have ever asked at all. If you can live with him without being married forever, if you can drop the fantasy of that wedding day, then continue as things are – but something tells me you won’t be fulfilled.

Abrazos,
Judy Torres

 

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