[Originally published for DTM magazine February 2010 Issue #66]
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Ask Judy
Dear Judy,
I am a 27 year old father of two, which makes my problem even more scary: I have dreams about being with another man. I dream about the sexual part…never the kissing or hugging. I am “with” these men in my dreams, and when I wake up, I am very aroused.
The arousal is stronger than when I am “with” my wife, and now I think about being with a guy when I take showers or when I am home alone. Why is the thought about being with another man so arousing to me, and what do I do about it?
– Alberto
Dear Alberto,
I am not a dream analysis expert, however, I do know that not all dreams are to be taken literally. In dreams, sometimes sex is about power and aggression. You may be very stressed out at work, or angry with someone, and these dreams give you a way of acting out that rage, especially since you mentioned that there is no kissing or hugging.
However, I am curious that you mentioned that the thought of the dreams arouse you. We don’t always act on our thoughts. Sometimes we can imagine strangling someone we’re angry with, but we don’t do it.
I know what you’re wondering and I know why you wrote in for advice. You are, perhaps, wondering if you are gay?
It is hard to answer because as I mentioned in a previous article, I cannot tell you what YOUR sexual preference is. Only YOU can make that decision for yourself. I think you should reflect on some things: before these dreams, did you ever have a curiosity of men? One a day that you don’t dream of sex with another man, do you find you think about sex with a man anyway? Is the man in your dream a stranger? That would help determine a lot.
Lastly, should you find that you might be (or ARE) gay, take things slowly. I recommend you have a session with a professional who can help you find out in a healthy and unbiased way. Many straight people dream of sex with people of the same sex…and they are still straight. Sometimes, married “straight” people realize years later that they are bisexual.
Get some professional advice and you will eventually know what to do about it. Good luck, Alberto!
Love,
Judy
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