[Originally published for LatinTRENDS magazine March 2013 Issue #96]
Dear Ms. Torres
(friend in my head),
I’ve been dating this guy for about five months. We are both well traveled, we graduated from Columbia, we each own our own businesses…but something isn’t right.
I’m not bad looking, I cook, I clean, I’m fun! But Mr. Perfect just doesn’t seem to want to…commit! It’s like he’s beating around the bush. He gets weird when we talk about emotional things – I think I’m done.
Do you think I’m cutting out too fast? Should I stay and wait a little longer? Am I expecting too much? Is it wrong to expect anything at all just a few months in?
Ok, I realize I have just asked you a whole lot of questions. I’m sorry…but Help!
Ms. Can’t Think Of a Clever Pseudonym
Dear Ms. Can’t Think of a Clever Pseudonym, (friend in my head too!)
I have a strange rule when it comes to dating. I call it the Three Rule. Three conversations – you know you’re interested in a date. Three dates – you know whether you want to pursue a relationship. Three months – You know whether you want this to be a long-term relationship, exclusivity. Three years – Commitment.
You’ve been together for about five months. You have so many questions. I do think your relationship is still somewhat new, but not so new that you don’t know where you’re both headed.
On my first date with my current boyfriend of almost 2 years, although it was scary, I told him, “I want you to know that I’m not looking for a fling. Been there, done that. I am looking for the one, a husband, someone to share the rest of my life with.” I was afraid he would run out the door. He didn’t.
My dear, you need to TALK to him. Simply ask him what he wants, where he sees this going, and where he sees himself going in a year, and in five years. There’s a book written by Steve Harvey called, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Read it. He is very honest about how men think.
Good luck, and I love being the friend in your head!