[Originally published for DTM magazine July/August 2009 Issue #60]
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Ask Judy
Dear Judy,
I am 17 years old and have a horrible problem: my breasts are very small and no boy finds me attractive! I am probably prettier than most of my girl friends and I am fun to be with, but boys only like me as their “homegirl.” They treat me like I am “one of the boys,” and they want me to help them “hook up” with my friends. I can’t afford to pay for breast implants, and I know that as long as I don’t have breasts like the girls in the music videos or magazines, I will never be sexy.
Dear Friend,
Okay, let’s put things in perspective: what you are experiencing is a stressful problem, not a horrible problem. Things can be much worse, girlfriend! A horrible problem would be if you had breast cancer and had to have your breasts removed. Small or not, it would be horrible. But you’d survive that too!
I’ve never understood why, but for whatever reason, our men in this society tend to place a huge importance on breast size. We call them BREAST men, but that does not mean they are the BEST men. Your desire to have larger breasts are like another girl’s desire to have a smaller waist or curvier hips. Confidence comes from the inside first! Have you ever walked into a room where a woman has all the guys’ attention? If you look really hard, you will see she probably has lots of flaws, and you may wonder, “why the heck are they all over her?” It has nothing to do with her breast size — it has to do with the size of her confidence.
Confidence is sexy, my dear! When you know who you are, and you BELIEVE that you are fine just the way you are, you will attract the guy you want. So the first thing you have to do is highlight your good assets – do you have beautiful eyes? Good hair? Focus on your good qualities first, and if all else fails, war a push up bra because, listen to me: YOU ARE ONLY 17!!! Are you crazy, putting yourself through painful and expensive surgery just to make a guy attracted to you?! The man who is worth your love will love you just the way you are. In fact, he will love your smaller breasts!
By the way, did you know that those girls in the music videos are treated like slaves on sets? They are just objects — they don’t go home with the men in the videos, trust me! Coming from a recording artist’s experience, I have spoken to many “video girls,” and they’re not respected a lot of the time. It’s also okay to be the “homegirl,” you will see. It will get better, just hang in there – don’t change yourself for anyone. When you are older – maybe about 25 – if this still bothers you, then go ahead and have surgery. But do it because you want to ENHANCE what’s already there. If you had a daughter and she came home to you with this situation, would you rush her off to have surgery? I don’t think so. Oh, and just so you know: big breasts mean back pain, scrapes on the shoulders and discomfort when you run. You may not appreciate that now, but you will one day! Good luck, best wishes and LOVE YOURSELF, CHICA!
Love,
Judy
